When Stress Starts Looking for an Escape

I often meet people who have been carrying a great deal of stress for a long time.

Sometimes that stress comes from work.

Sometimes it's family responsibilities, financial pressure, relationship difficulties or the feeling that there are simply too many things demanding their attention.

Often, it's a combination of all of them.

When we are under pressure for long enough, most of us will start looking for some form of relief.

That might be completely harmless.

We might watch television, exercise, spend time with friends or take some time for ourselves.

But sometimes, the ways we cope can gradually become less helpful.

When coping becomes escaping

One of the things I find interesting is that people don't always turn to certain behaviours because they want to cause themselves harm.

Often, they're simply trying to change the way they feel.

They want to switch off.

They want their mind to slow down.

They want a break from worrying.

They want some relief from the pressure.

For some people, that might mean alcohol.

For others, it might be drugs, gambling, food, shopping, work, gaming or constantly scrolling through their phone.

The behaviour itself can provide a temporary escape.

And that's often where the difficulty begins.

Because if something gives us temporary relief from stress or uncomfortable emotions, it's understandable that we might want to repeat it.

The problem is that temporary relief doesn't always deal with what is causing the stress in the first place.

Why the pattern can become difficult to recognise

At first, the behaviour may not feel like a problem.

You might tell yourself that you're just relaxing.

Just having a drink after work.

Just distracting yourself.

Just doing something to take your mind off things.

And sometimes, that may genuinely be all it is.

But I think it can be useful to become curious about the role a particular behaviour is playing in your life.

Are you doing it because you enjoy it?

Or are you beginning to feel that you need it in order to cope?

Are you able to stop?

Or does the thought of stopping make you uncomfortable?

Are you using it occasionally for enjoyment?

Or are you increasingly relying on it to escape how you feel?

For me, these questions are often more important than simply focusing on the behaviour itself.

Looking beneath the behaviour

One of the things I believe is important in psychotherapy is looking beyond the surface.

Instead of simply asking, “How do I stop doing this?” it can sometimes be helpful to ask:

“What is this helping me escape from?”

Perhaps it's stress.

Perhaps it's anxiety.

Perhaps it's loneliness.

Perhaps it's pressure.

Perhaps there are difficult emotions that feel easier to avoid than to sit with.

Understanding this doesn't excuse harmful behaviour, but it can help us understand why the behaviour became important in the first place.

And without that understanding, it can be difficult to create lasting change.

From stress to coping

Stress is something we all experience.

We all have different ways of managing it.

But when the pressure becomes constant and the need to escape becomes stronger, it may be worth paying attention.

You don't have to wait until things become unmanageable before becoming curious about your coping mechanisms.

Sometimes, the behaviour we believe is helping us cope can gradually become something else we have to cope with.

For me, that is where the conversation about stress and the conversation about addiction can begin to overlap.

Because addiction is rarely just about the substance or behaviour itself.

Often, it's also about what that substance or behaviour is doing for the person at the time.

And sometimes, the most important question isn't simply:

“Why can't I stop?”

It's:

“What am I trying so hard to escape?”