When Coping Stops Working: Recognising the Signs of Addiction

I think it is important to be careful about how we talk about addiction.

Not every habit is an addiction.

Not every person who drinks is dependent on alcohol. Not everyone who gambles has a gambling problem. And using something to help us cope with stress doesn't automatically mean we have an addiction.

But sometimes, a behaviour that began as a way of coping can gradually become something different.

The question can become less about whether the behaviour is helping us and more about whether we feel able to control it.

Perhaps you intended to have one drink but regularly find yourself having more.

Perhaps you tell yourself you won't gamble this week, but find yourself doing it again when you're stressed.

Perhaps you keep promising yourself that you'll stop scrolling, working, gaming or engaging in another behaviour, but repeatedly return to it despite wanting to cut back.

This is where I think it can be useful to start paying attention to the relationship we have with the behaviour.

Are we choosing it, or increasingly feeling that we need it?

Can we comfortably go without it?

Do we find ourselves thinking about it when we're not doing it?

Have we started hiding or minimising how much we're doing?

Are there consequences in our relationships, finances, work or wellbeing that we continue to experience despite knowing the behaviour is causing problems?

And perhaps one of the most important questions:

Have we tried to stop or cut down and found that we couldn't maintain it?

Addiction isn't simply about how much of something we do.

It's also about the role it has started to play in our lives.

A behaviour can gradually become a primary way of managing difficult emotions. Stress, anxiety, loneliness, shame, anger or emotional pain can all become triggers.

The behaviour provides relief.

Then the relief becomes something we seek again.

Over time, the behaviour itself can become another source of problems, creating more stress and difficult emotions — which can then increase the desire to return to it.

The cycle can become increasingly difficult to break.

For some people, this may eventually develop into addiction.

For others, it may remain a problematic pattern without meeting that definition.

I think that distinction matters.

The purpose isn't to label ourselves.

It's to become honest about what is happening.

Sometimes the first sign that something has changed isn't a dramatic crisis.

It's simply noticing that something which once felt like a choice no longer feels entirely like one.

That can be an important moment to stop, become curious and ask what is really happening underneath the behaviour.

Psychotherapy can provide a space to explore that without judgement or shame.

Because before we can change a pattern, we often need to understand what that pattern has been doing for us.

And sometimes, recognising that we may have lost some control is the beginning of recovery.

This week is Addiction Awareness Week, and I wanted to acknowledge the work of Action on Addiction in raising awareness around addiction and helping to challenge some of the stigma that can prevent people from asking for support.

For me, awareness is also about recognising that addiction can affect people in many different circumstances and doesn't always look the way we expect it to.

Sometimes the first step is simply being willing to look honestly at our own relationship with a behaviour and ask whether it is still serving us, or whether it has started to take something from us.