The Protective Self: How Defence Mechanisms Shield Us and How Therapy Helps Us Heal

In therapy, one of the most profound shifts clients experience is the realisation that their so-called “negative” behaviours - addiction, anger, control, emotional detachment - aren’t signs of failure. They’re defence mechanisms. And at one time, those defences were vital for survival.

Defence mechanisms are the mind’s way of protecting us from emotional pain we were not equipped to process. They often begin early in life, particularly in response to trauma, loss, neglect, or unsafe environments. If a child experiences emotional abandonment, for example, they may learn to suppress their feelings or become hyper-independent. If they felt unsafe expressing anger, they may bury it deep and instead turn to substances, perfectionism, or overachievement.

These protective parts of us - what Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy calls “managers” or “firefighters” - work tirelessly to keep us functioning. Some distract us from emotional pain, others push people away to avoid further hurt. Some numb our feelings through addiction or compulsive behaviours. At their core, all of them serve one purpose: protection.

In therapy, we don’t try to break down these defences - we get to know them. We explore what role they’ve played, what they’re afraid of, and what they’ve been trying to protect. When we meet these parts with curiosity instead of judgment, we often discover a younger, wounded part underneath - an Inner Child who needed care, safety, and love.

This process is not quick or easy. But as these defences soften and trust begins to grow, clients often feel more connected to themselves and more capable of living without the constant pressure to manage, hide, or cope.

Recovery - whether from addiction, burnout, trauma, or emotional overwhelm - is not about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding and healing the parts of you that protected you when no one else could.

If you're ready to explore your protective self and begin the journey inward, I’m here to walk that path with you. Visit www.letsfindcalm.com to learn more or book an initial consultation.

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