Stress: When Life Starts to Feel Too Much

In my work as a psychotherapist, stress is something I come across regularly. People often come to see me when they feel overwhelmed, exhausted or simply unable to keep going at the pace they've been maintaining.

What I find interesting is that many people don't initially describe themselves as stressed. They'll tell me they're "just tired", that work has been busy, or that they've got a lot going on at the moment. Sometimes it takes a little time before they recognise that what they're actually experiencing is stress.

For me, one of the biggest problems with stress is that we can become very good at living with it.

We carry on going to work, meeting deadlines, looking after our families and trying to maintain relationships. From the outside, everything can look completely fine. Internally, however, we might be constantly worrying, struggling to switch off or feeling like we're permanently running on empty.

What I often see in my clients

Stress doesn't look the same for everyone.

For some people, it shows itself through irritability and a short temper. Others struggle with sleep, concentration or constantly having their mind racing. Some people become withdrawn, while others keep themselves incredibly busy because slowing down means having to acknowledge how they're actually feeling.

I also see people who have become so accustomed to pressure that they don't realise how much it is affecting them.

They've spent months sometimes years telling themselves that they'll slow down when work settles down, when the children are older, when the financial situation improves or when they've dealt with everything else on their list.

The problem is that there is always another thing on the list.

When stress becomes the norm

I don't believe that all stress is necessarily bad. There are times in life when we're going to experience pressure, and sometimes that pressure can motivate us and help us respond to challenges.

What concerns me is when there is no real opportunity to switch off and recover.

If we're constantly operating in that state, it can begin to affect much more than our mood. Our relationships can suffer, our patience can become shorter, our confidence can drop and we can lose interest in the things that normally bring us enjoyment.

Sometimes people also turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, excessive work, food or other behaviours as a way of getting some temporary relief from how they're feeling.

That doesn't necessarily mean there's something fundamentally wrong with them. Often, they're simply trying to find a way of coping with something that has become too much.

Why I believe talking can help

One of the things I value most about psychotherapy is having the opportunity to help someone step outside of their usual way of thinking.

When we're caught up in stress, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture. We can become focused on getting through the next day, the next deadline or the next problem.

Psychotherapy gives us somewhere to slow things down.

My role isn't to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. It's about working alongside you to understand what's contributing to the stress, how you're coping with it and whether there are things that need to change.

Sometimes that might mean looking at boundaries, expectations or the pressure we put on ourselves. Sometimes it means exploring deeper issues that have been there long before the current stress began.

Most importantly, I don't think you have to wait until you're at breaking point before asking for help.

If you're constantly feeling under pressure, struggling to switch off or simply don't feel like yourself anymore, that is worth paying attention to.

Stress might be part of life, but feeling overwhelmed by it doesn't have to become your normal.