Avoidance, Attachment, and Addiction: When Numbing Becomes a Survival Strategy

When we grow up in environments where our emotional needs are unmet - whether through neglect, criticism, emotional absence, or unpredictability - we often learn, early on, that connection is risky or unsafe.

Over time, we adapt by developing avoidant attachment patterns. These patterns can shape not only how we relate to others, but how we relate to ourselves.

Avoidance doesn’t always look like shutting people out. Often, it appears as a strong pull toward distraction or escape - habits and behaviours that seem harmless at first but serve to distance us from emotional discomfort. Left unaddressed, they can evolve into addictive patterns.

Many of the clients I work with as an addiction therapist and integrative counsellor are not just struggling with substances or compulsive behaviours - they’re coping with deeply rooted relational wounds. Alcohol, drugs, overworking, excessive internet use, compulsive shopping, gambling, sex, or love addiction are often used as ways to avoid pain, regulate emotions, and maintain control when connection feels threatening or unfamiliar.

In therapy, we work with these patterns through the lens of Transactional Analysis (TA). Using the Parent–Adult–Child (PAC) model, we begin to explore which “ego states” are activated when clients face emotional triggers or stress. Many clients are surprised to discover how often their Adapted Child or Critical Parent voice dominates - patterns formed long ago but still running the show today.

Healing means helping the Adult ego state regain clarity and compassion, so clients can respond to life with greater choice, not just reaction. It’s not about blame - it’s about understanding.

As an integrative counsellor and addiction specialist, I help clients connect the dots between past and present, and start living with more intention, honesty, and emotional freedom.

If any of this resonates, or you work in a high-stress field and are feeling the strain, you can learn more here. For a free discreet and confidential 15 minute consultation contact me today